Drilling a dry hole

Some time ago I happened to read (and comment on) an interesting post by female blogger flinkpike. Her blog is written in a language that only a small fraction of the world population can read, but it’s amazing what you can do with some general language skills and Google Translator or BabelFish. Yesterday, a similar topic was discussed in the blog post by Shell, with a different point of view.

The question is: What do you do if your spouse (or partner) wants sex and you don’t (or vice versa)? In most cases (?), he wants more than she, but the converse, she wants more than he, also happens, for sure.

The question above obviously indicates some kind of imbalance. What’s the right thing to do about that? I don’t have the answer, I only have a few thoughts about it. If you’re not fairly liberal and open-minded, you may want to stop reading at this point. I don’t intend to offend anyone.

OK, if you’re still reading, here we go:

Alternative 1: Never say no when you partner wants sex. This was the viewpoint of Shell mentioned above.

Yes, that may kind of work, maybe. But there's not much fun, not very exciting, to have a quickie with a partner that would rather read a book or go to sleep. Sex is good when two (or more) people are enjoying it together, when you can use all the senses; see, hear, taste, smell … for mutual gratification.

Sometimes, with kids around, finding time may be a challenge. But still, whether you’re doing a quickie or a full tantra session, you can certainly feel the difference; if your partner really wants to do it or not.

Alternative 2: You own your own body, and have the right to say no. This was the perspective of flinkpike above.

In the past, a married man had the right to have his way with his wife when he wanted. Women had (in general) no rights. Fortunately, this has changed, at least in the Western world. Women’s rights, in all matters, are generally accepted, including the right to say no. I think this is a good thing, of course. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.

Anyway, there’s not much fun drilling a dry hole. Sorry for being rude. I’ve written about this already; no need to repeat.

If you didn’t like what I wrote above, you should probably stop reading now. I don’t want to provoke, if you don’t want to be provoked. Your choice.

Alternative 3: Climbing over the fence; an alternative perspective.

If you’re accepting the right to say no, the follow-up questions are the following: If your spouse wants sex, and you don't, is it acceptable that he or she goes somewhere else to get it? If you say no nine out of ten times, or more, is it acceptable that your partner has an affair, or finds a friend with benefits? You might even encourage your spouse to do this? Maybe controversial, but in my opinion, the answer to these questions is yes, for both men and women. I support equal rights, in all matters.

Sex just for fun; it’s nothing wrong about that, is it? Sex for the sole pleasure of it, with other adults that want the same. This could make most of us happier, more satisfied.

It’s not about fooling around with everyone, everywhere. It’s about connecting with people sharing the same mindset, people you can trust. No scandals, no jealousy, no breaking up homes and families, no kids left to live with only one parent.

You may claim this is a typical man’s perspective. Yes, maybe; there are probably more men than women sharing this view. But the landscape is not just desert or ocean here. I do know both men opposing, and women supporting this view.

Well, that’s it, for now. Time to stop. More to follow in later posts …