Skiing is bad right now. We've had two weeks of clear sky, insane cold weather, and no snow fall. So, I spent most of this weekend indoor. I did my part of the house cleaning (bathrooms, kitchen and the TV room) very fast, and spent the rest of the time working on my so-called novel.
I'm using double POV, alternating between my hero and protag (a liberal scientist, of course) and the major antag (a conservative and evil dentist). Right now I have the most fun writing with the antag POV. Then I can play around with all my stereotypes of people I dislike.
Below is an excerpt of what I wrote this weekend. It starts at the point where the dentist Clint Parker and his family gather around the dinner table, after mass in church, and I, for some reason, swapped to English.
I haven't decided on how to merge the chapters written in protag and antag POV yet. Therefore I number the protag chapters as 1,2,3... and the antag chapters as A,B,C...
By the way, does anyone know an English before-dinner prayer that I can use in my story?
And there's no sex in this chapter. If that's what your looking for, you can stop right here >;)
Chapter B: After the mass
(first 3/4 written in Winterlandic; omitted)
“Dinner is ready”, Laura said
Clint and Christine went inside, and they all gathered around the table. Clint folded his hands and looked down on his fists.
“Let us pray”, he said. “Thank you Lord for giving us this food. Amen”
Laura had prepared a fabulous meal, smoked ham with potato salad and grass onion, light and suitable for the warm summer weather. They ate without talking. Only the jiggling of cutlery broke the silence, for a while. Then Christine put her knife and fork down.
“There is something I should tell you”
She rarely started out like that. Parker was alert, preparing for whatever surprise was to follow.
“I think I have got a boy friend”, she continued.
“How nice for you”. Laura clapped her hands together and smiled. “ Who is he? A fellow student in medical school?”
“His name is Steve. I have known him for about three months. He’s a very cute and kind boy. He is in the band I’m singing with.”
“What do you mean?” Laura asked, in a hesitating voice. “Have started to sing in a mixed choir, with both male and female singers?”
“I said a band, not a choir”
“A band? With drums and electric guitars and that kind of terrible things?”
“Yes, I have joined a goth-metal band. I’m the female lead singer. He is the male singer, and plays the lead guitar. He’s a musician. He tries to make a living form the band and his music”
Clint Parker dropped his fork and knife, from a considerable height, about a foot above his plate, and making a sound like a doom bell.
“And may I ask, what is a goth metal?”
“It’s a kind of heavy metal, with both female and male singers. They call it beauty and the beast vocal. I’m the beauty of course, singing the soprano voice”, she said and tried to set up a smile. “Steve is growling the male beast vocal”.
Clint was shocked. Sweet and obedient Christine, his only child, with a growling and guitar-playing beast. The beast didn’t even go to college. What would his peers in the Rotary Club say? What would this do to his reputation? This was something he couldn’t accept. He would make sure that this relationship came to an end, at any cost.
Thanks for sharing this, the character sounds interesting, and the dialogue is very clear is easy to follow. I wish you all the best in this big project, winter should allow for lots of time locked up in the house and writing while the snow doesn't fall. Good luck and thanks for sharing some of your work!
ReplyDeleteVal
Pre dinner prayers are called 'grace', so a sentence could read "We always said Grace before dinner".
ReplyDeleteMy (very English) mother used to recite before every evening meal:
"Bless, oh Lord this food to our use, and us to thy service, and keep us ever mindful to the needs of others. In Jesus' Name. Amen."
I had no idea of the correct wording till I googled it just now. So much for all those years of hearing it.
What you use depends on whether there would be children present, as the grace tends to be less formal then.
Hope that helps.
Good on you for zooming through the housework to get down to the interesting stuff.
Or you can use my English brother-in-law's (the Everton supporter) favourite grace :
ReplyDelete"God bless this bunch before they munch!"
(only kidding) The grace Sue wrote is lovely and much like the grace we say, although a religious fanatic may tend to go on and on with a less restrained version.
And I can *totally* live with a dentist being the evil antagonist!!!!
And talking of the evil dentist, you've managed to give him quite a sinister presence (looming, is the way he came across). Something you may need watch for when you get to your first edits could be word/phrase repetition. But for now it's great that you're going along at a cracking pace *AND* doing your share of the housework!!!
Judy(South Africa)
I would agree with Judy. If you're writing a strict religious family then the prayer would be detailed and lengthy. Especially if you're looking into Catholic stereotyping. I'm sure you can do a search for catholic dinner prayers or something and come up with a good one!
ReplyDeleteteehee--Love that your antagonist is a dentist! (dentists really ARE evil, aren't they?) and I like the conflict of the conservative with the daughter in a band. Fun set-up.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote their viewpoints separate? Now that sounds like a challenge!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hart. Most dentists are evil. And the way he dropped the forks onto the plate tells it all. Can't help you wtih the prayer as I'm more a buddhist.
ReplyDeleteFire and Cross
All: Thanks a lot for your comments. You really help me to improve my writing >:)
ReplyDeleteCSR: Thanks. Winter is busy times for me, spending a large part of my time in ski resorts. But I always bring my lap-top to write a little bit in the evenings.
Sue: That's a nice prayer (grace). I can use that one. Thanks a lot for your help and your efforts. I still remember the songs we used to sing before eating lunch in elementary school, but they were in Winterlandic.
Judy: I bet Everton supporters are better than the Liverpool FC supporters at graces >:)
On word repetitions: Yes, I will check for this when I get to the editing. My problem when writing English is that my vocabulary is too limited. I often use synonym dictionaries, but not while writing the first draft. Then I want to keep up the speed.
On housework: Both my old lady and I work full time for BigOil, so it's just fair that we share the housework, isn't it?
Colene: I grew up in a protestant country, so that's the variety of Christianity I know best. I think I'll let the dentist and his family be protestants. It saves me some research on Catholics. But I actually think the Catholics practice is more mystic and interesting.
Hart: Yes, all dentists are evil. Can you see any other motivation for choosing that occupation? The conflict between the dentist and his daughter is not a major part of the story. It's just one of the ways I try to show the dentists evil personality.
Alex: The protag and antag stories run in parallel. They meet physically only 3 or 4 times. But I think it's fun to play around with both good-guy and bad-guy POV >:)
Enid: Buddhism is my favorite religion. The Buddhists appear to be more peaceful than the Christians and Muslims. And Nirvana is a good band >:)
Poor Clint. I have a feeling he is not going to win this fight.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember a standard blessing from my childhood, but they usually started something like, Dear Lord, bless this food and may it nourish both body and soul.... I'm guessing this family would be a bit more formal.
The editor in me can't resist suggesting that you put a bit more contractions in your dialogue. While we the writer may think, I have joined a goth-metal band, the teenager would more like say, I've joined ....
Good luck on your writing. I love it when it rains. Forces me to stay indoors and write. Oh, and my cluttered house beckons. I do need to so some cleaning too.
ReplyDeleteHelen: You're right, Clint is not going to win this fight. But he's gonna cause the death of a few people. The editor in you is highly appreciated. Thank you for the advice, and for the blessing >:)
ReplyDeleteStephen: Thanks! Just do the cleaning fast and get back to your writing >:)
Sorry about the lack of snow and skiing.
ReplyDeleteHere in the US, we say "grace" before dinner. It's our pre-dinner prayer of thankfulness.
I really like this excerpt. I see you building tension between the strict father and obedient daughter. It left me with many questions like:
What was Christine like before she met Steve?
To what extent will her father go to break up her relationship with Steve?
Things that make you go hmmmm. . .
Chary: Thanks! We've got lots of snow last couple of days, so skiing is improving greatly. Wuuhuuu!
ReplyDeleteThe role of Christine in the story is to illustrate the nature of her father, the evil dentist. It's her first year living outside the parents house, and she starts to challenge some of the rules from her childhood.