I have made a first attempt at writing the beginning of my novel, even though the plot is not complete yet. I wrote it yesterday; when reading it today, I realized that I need to rewrite it.
Having read some great blog posts about beginnings, and about "show vs tell", it 's clear that it doesn't work. It starts to slow, and is too much tell, too little show.
Anyway, this is the way it goes:
Chapter 1:
It was summer and, and all the under grad students were gone, the campus was almost empty. Professor Tom Snare was sitting by his desk, in front of the computer, next to a big pile of paperwork.
He could feel a cool gust of wind from the open window. The curtain was moving slowly in the left window, which was open. Some flies tried to get out through the right window, which was closed. Flies never learn.
The relaxing sound of silence filled his head, for a while. Then the damn construction workers started the compressor drills again. The summer was the only time when he could focus on his own research, and revise the course he was teaching. But the summer was also the time for maintenance work on campus buildings.
Shit, how could he work in this noise? Annoyed, he crossed the room in three steps and closed the open window. Then he opened the other window to let the flies out. He smacked a lazy fly in the window frame with his hand, snapped it out of the window and then closed it. The flies are like the students; they stay with him for a while, before he let them fly out to the world, most of them.
.... >:)
It's just embarkation, as the pic nicely suggest, making the reader suppose and expect what would happen. Not a bad start.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the adventure! So it's a crime story? A dead body may be good to start off with, LOL.
ReplyDeleteReally Angelic
No more than a dead fly so far ... but it's a sign, about what's to come ... mohahaah >:)))
ReplyDeleteThe last three words are the hook. I suggest you try to get rid of the passive voice. Do that first, then it will draw in the reader more. That would be my first piece of advice.
ReplyDeleteHelen
Straight From Hel
I agree with Helen about passive, get rid of it. But there is a certain irreverence to the writing that is catchy. And by your blogger name, I'm guessing you have a bit of that in you, too. Stick with that and the rest will flow.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the world of beginnings, fellow writer.
Michele
SouthernCityMysteries
Great advice, thanks a lot!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate such constructive comments from people who know how to write. Now I will try to experiment with some alternative beginnings and see if I can make up something better >:)
Ted, the picture is of the Vasa ship, which capsized on the maiden voyage in 1628, less than a mile from the yard where it was built. The wreck was found and salvaged by marine archeologists in 1961. The restored ship and hundreds of artifacts are on exhibition in The Vasa Museum . It's an awesome museum; recommended if you should happen to travel through Europe >:)
Yes, you need a better bang for an opening. Something that makes you want to read on. Especially with all the competition these days, you need something that stands out. Don't give up though.
ReplyDeleteCD
Nice...I would start with the last paragraph, grabbed me more than the rest and then follow with the other paragraphs...Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the good advice. Now I have an idea about how to proceed ... jabaaduu >:)
ReplyDeleteI don't know anything about writing but I like it so far :)
ReplyDelete